Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
