Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
