im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
