I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown a few things in my day
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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