I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
