I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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