I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
