id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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