I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
