He felt like a one man threesome
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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