i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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