i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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