Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
