I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
