I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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