oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
