I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
