oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
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My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
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You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
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