WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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