She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
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his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
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The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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