the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
