thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
