im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
now i know why i became what i already was.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
