i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
