He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
