a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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