New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
