blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
