If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
