Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
