I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
