You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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