Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Your dad touched me again.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
