I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
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