Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
