Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we made out on top of his cat.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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