There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my sisters under your porch take her home
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
