It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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