Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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