1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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