I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
