Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
