And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
