we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
