I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
