my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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