I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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