every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize