She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
