i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize