I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I made him laugh his dick is mine
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
