Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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