Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
