My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
