filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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