how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he quoted the bible to break up with me
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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