I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
