Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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