I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
