Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
false alarm. still invincible.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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