im holly from the hills drunk
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
