I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.