Texts From Last Night

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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.

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  (847): I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help. http://tfl.nu/0kqr
  Replies (14) Good night (854) Bad night (2937)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  again?

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  (612): I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job. (651): again? http://tfl.nu/ai0g
  Replies (11) Good night (1076) Bad night (4909)
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  (760): View more from California

  my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...

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  (760): my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg... http://tfl.nu/gr75
  Replies (33) Good night (8068) Bad night (889)
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  (408): View more from California

  I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.

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  (408): I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level. http://tfl.nu/k6hr
  Replies (8) Good night (3472) Bad night (666)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?

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  (856): He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs? http://tfl.nu/ic15
  Replies (31) Good night (8600) Bad night (1325)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests

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  (973): Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests http://tfl.nu/b1y9
  Replies (10) Good night (3957) Bad night (1003)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."

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  (412): Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers." http://tfl.nu/fu3x
  Replies (11) Good night (1085) Bad night (3136)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?

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  (617): did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant? http://tfl.nu/svwz
  Replies (8) Good night (2026) Bad night (1024)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl

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  (248): My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl http://tfl.nu/sa4n
  Replies (5) Good night (1684) Bad night (996)
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  (510): View more from California

  A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"

  (1-510): View more from California

  Berkeley was the right choice

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  (510): A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by" (1-510): Berkeley was the right choice http://tfl.nu/la9d
  Replies (6) Good night (1597) Bad night (506)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.

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  (630): There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win. http://tfl.nu/fnn3
  Replies (8) Good night (1894) Bad night (597)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.

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  (207): We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night. http://tfl.nu/i415
  Replies (2) Good night (815) Bad night (342)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.

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  (229): Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you. http://tfl.nu/0zda
  Replies (1) Good night (443) Bad night (301)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Update: It didn't work

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  (218): I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away. (218): Update: It didn't work http://tfl.nu/i66w
  Replies (1) Good night (341) Bad night (524)
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  (707): View more from California

  We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.

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  (707): We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night. http://tfl.nu/a9w1
  Replies (0) Good night (440) Bad night (176)

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