So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
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We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Bring me that man meat
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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