i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.