did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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