I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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