I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
