New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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