Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize