everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
