Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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