Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You made out with two different species that night
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
