this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
