i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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