What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
did you just send me my own nude
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
