how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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