I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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