peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
