found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
