My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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